Brush Hour

The Space Between Where I Am and Where I’m reaching...

As I sit here to write this post, the rain is beating hard at my window. Despite there being less than two weeks until spring, there is not so much as a whiff of it in the air. But whilst spring doesn’t seem to be on its way just yet, I am at least looking forward to the arrival of something that I ordered today. All of us need something to look forward to, whether it’s the appearance of the sun, a weekend away on the horizon, or something as simple as a delivery driver handing over a parcel. In my case, a blank canvas, which holds so many possibilities.

Now, I don’t know if it’s the relentless rain, which has barely taken a break since early January, but despite the pending delivery, I’m feeling a little sad. If I’m totally honest, all I want to do is paint. I know that’s no surprise coming from an artist. But more and more I have learned that it’s not something I simply find ‘fun’. Yes, it makes me feel happy. Yes, and also frustrated at times, but it’s what I want to do every day, not just when I get the time.

For the past two decades, I’ve worked really hard on my skills. And yes, it has paid off… My work has sold around the world, and the largest piece for as much as four figures. My paintings have featured in a number of art magazines over the years, and I’ve written paid articles for others. My work has hung in galleries – one was even hung in the Mall Galleries in London. I’ve won an award, I’ve been interviewed on many art podcasts, and I’ve even co-hosted a popular art podcast myself, which I did for four years. I’ve interviewed countless other well known artists, mentored beginners, and encouraged others to embrace their creativity at whatever level they are. I even co-wrote and published a children’s book – I know, it’s not painting, but it’s still creative.

If I had read this post 20 years ago, knowing it was written by ‘future me’, I would never have believed it. I would have assumed I was having a go at writing fiction. Back then, if I knew this post was actually true, I would have thought I must have already surpassed my dreams and ambitions. But the problem is, I don’t feel anywhere near them. It seems that every time one goal is reached, the goalposts move… and that’s a good thing, I know. It helps us to keep improving. But there is this other thing that plays on my mind – what if I don’t reach my full potential while my parents are still around to see it? And what is my full potential anyway? Am I already there? And if I am, is it enough? Honestly, I’m not sure it is.

The ultimate goal for me would be to be able to be creative every day of the week – guilt-free. To be able to make enough from it in whatever way I can. It doesn’t have to be just painting. It can be drawing cartoons, filming regularly for my new YouTube art channel, writing articles… anything that is based around art. That’s the dream. That’s the ultimate goal.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking of this blank canvas as another stepping stone to get there. And a reminder that the next chapter is always blank.

Week in a Nutshell:

• Highlight: Noticing the first new subscriber to my new my YouTube channel

• Planning: To by a new microphone for my YT videos

• Excited about: The blank canvas that arrived this week

• Watching: Vinnie Jones, in the Country - Season 2

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As always, thank you for being here, and for indulging my half-formed thoughts while they find their feet.

TTFN!